Not being a good husband
Not being a good father
Being a bad friend
Not being a good brother
Not living up to the expectations I have set for myself
Not being able to handle the adversity life throws at me
Not following my passion
Inability to identify my true passion
Not giving back to my community
Not making a difference
Losing my parents
Losing loved ones
Not taking enough risk
Losing my current sense of self and purpose
Inability to adapt to change
— — — — — —
The list above represents all of the things I Fear, or at least all of the things I could come up with in five minutes. The idea of Fear is an interesting concept. It is defined in the dictionary as,
“an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.”
At the core of that definition is emotion, which is defined as:
“a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from ones circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.”
As the definition illustrates, there are a number of factors that impact our emotional experiences. It is my belief that while we cannot control many of the factors listed above, we can control our state of mind and how we experience these emotions. Therefore, we can control how we think about Fear and how we experience Fear.
It is my goal to embrace Fear and the inherent tension that is present in the outcomes that I seek and there underlying fears. As I reflect on the list I came up with, the things I Fear are decaying relationships, unsuccessful outcomes, not making a difference, and the loss people that are important to me. Fear, I would like to argue, signifies importance or significance. As such, by embracing Fear, we can use the things we Fear as a compass to make sure we are investing our time and energy in the things that matter the most to us.
Embracing Fear is like a spray bottle. Just as with Fear, there is a tension present in operating a spray bottle. To have any outcome at all we must embrace the tension, and press the handle of the bottle. The mist produced by a spray bottle goes in all directions, there is a level of uncertainty regarding where exactly the water will fall. The same uncertainty of outcomes is present when we embrace our Fears. However, just as with the mist released from the spray bottle, the water or outcome will land somewhere in the vicinity we were hoping for, an outcome that we are satisfied with and can live with.
Will you press the lever on your Fears?